he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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