He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
