there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
