Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize