i think my mom watched the whole time
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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