i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
