I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
