i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
