Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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