I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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