You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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