I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
