Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
