Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
