She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
