And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
