I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
