she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize