I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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