there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
