you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
accomplished twins. life is a go
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
