You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Operation Purity has been aborted
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize