someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
