Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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