so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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