A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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