that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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