I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
