Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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