you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Randomize
