My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
