every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
