I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
