Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
