There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
