forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
