My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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