WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
