There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
