it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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