At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
