my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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