I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
