i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
