so explain again why im purple
no
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've blown a few things in my day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
