just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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