I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
do herpes really smell.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize