I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
