Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
