dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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