i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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