I love black thongs
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
