I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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