Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You made out with two different species that night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
