I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
