You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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