Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
