i just wanna soil my oats bro
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize