I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
