did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're a waste of cheezeits
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
