can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
