I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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