i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
