your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
