woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Holy sore nipples Batman
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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