Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
