used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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