He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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