Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize