Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What a dumb baby whore.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
