I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
