is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What a dumb baby whore.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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