i barfeds in our rink
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
