HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
