i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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