What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't deserve a penis
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
