I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize