So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize