I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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