He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
