Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
