I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
