Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
