if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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