Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
