Whoa Z and x make the same sound
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
